Fighting for MY Faith

The enemy, Satan, walks around seeking whom he may devour {Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

=>1Pe 5:8 KJV<= } and we know full well that given every chance that he will remind us of our past, sometimes the guilt, shame, and disgust to make us feel like we have no right to be a part of God's plan. Other times he tempts us with the thoughts and pleasures of the old times.

In either we need to turn to God, but I know for me I do not always. I am praying that this will change and that I will remember to take Everything to Him, not just in this particular battle, but in ALL my needs. Peter tells us to cast ALL of our cares (anxieties) upon Him, and yet we forget that next part of the passage that says He cares for us. The enemy will work very diligently on telling us that because of our sin we are not entitled to HIM.

Yet when we examine the scriptures we see that in fact we are entitled to HIM and that he will not leave us, nor forsake us, {Heb 13:5} unless we come to a point where WE decide to leave Him. Satan will, however, will deceive us to think that we still have forgiveness available to us, and that God understands that we are humans and are flawed. As this lie presents itself, PRAY because truly, when we sin we do distance ourselves from God. The enemy will continue to keep us apart from our Lord in that we know we are guilty of sinning and that God is displeased, and he hopes that he will keep us in a cycle of defeat and failure, and since we have already fallen we should continue in our sin. After all, we are flawed creatures and we are prone to making mistakes on this road.

Prayer is the single most active weapon that we have in our arsenal against the enemy. It is the most responsive and active link that we have with our Lord and Savior. Praying in the spirit is the best way, because the Spirit knows exactly what to pray for, we on the other hand get caught up on praying for what we see and what we need, and even though these are still prayers we limit ourselves to what we are asking for. The spirit knows the deeper things that we need, what things affect other things, and stuff frankly we are acutely unaware of. {Rom 8:26-27} and {Eph 6:18} I am thankful that God has given us the Holy Spirit to help us along life's journey because we, even though we grow in Christ, still are faced with threats and circumstances way beyond our control. We endure trials and temptations, and some are not easy to bear, yet there is always a way out even when we do not take it.

 

Proximity

I am writing this in hopes of helping my once again search for answers.

I have recently been struggling pretty bad, looking back I can see something that I never thought of before. I believe this to be by the Holy Spirit, but wondering if anyone else has experienced this or anything like this.

Since June I have been helping care for my mother in law, and up till about 2 1/2 weeks ago, it was just me and her.

My nephew, came to stay with her about 2 1/2 weeks ago and now it seems like my battle has been raging.

He is openly gay, and we have always gotten along pretty well. But since he is back it is like the spirits have been stirred up in me from my past life.

We have not discussed that lifestyle, but just being around him??? I don't know. I am not attracted to him, but will admit that I once was. (after he was a man) We had discussions when he came out of the closet years ago and back when I had not made a serious comittment to changing my life to be more holy before my Lord.

I can say that the battle has unfortunately beaten me severely twice now.

So now I am at a crux in the road. I know that with my mother in laws health, I need to see her. But I also know that I will see him as well. I have prayed that I could battle this, and yes I know that there has been outs and I have not taken them, I do not blame anyone but myself in this.

So if you are reading this I would ask for prayer in that I have protection from the spirits when I am around him. I could be wrong, and I may be misplacing the trigger, but I have learned many things since I started down this road to holiness. But this seems like it has been the catalyst.

Any thoughts?

I would love to hear everyones thoughts. Even if they are blunt. I am open to Christian counsel.

A post from when I began my road to purity

I wrote this while I was on a forum at LHM Living Hope (livehope.org). It (at the time) helped me to start processing the stuff I had been trough in my life. I pray that it will help someone too, in their journey out of this pit.

Disclaimer: It has some raw material in it. So please proceed with that thought in mind.

_____________________________________

Why ?!?!
#391284 - Mon Feb 26 2007 12:44 AM

Guys,


When reading this understand that I am processing my feelings and thoughts, not wanting to provoke God, just questions that I have.

And if your are struggling with some triggers you may not want to continue, I am sorry to be more graphic than I usually am but I need to get this out.


Why...

When I was 5 I was allowed to be molested and played around with by an 18 year old?


Why...

When I was between 7-9 I was allowed to be used as a sexual pleasure point with my best friend so me baby sitter could watch?

Why...

Was I allowed to view pornography at an early age?

Why...

Was I allowed to be the object and bottom of my best friend at 14?

Why...

Was I allowed to sleep with his older brother and him give me my first ever BJ?

Why...

Was it then that I slept with all of my best friends younger brothers?

Why...

When the whole neighborhood knew, no one ever stopped me?

Why...

was I allowed to foster these feelings and allowed to think I was born this way?

Why...

Did a friend take me to a boat ramp and show me what else goes on in public places like this?

Why...

Was I allows to have a boyfriend who turned out to be a wiccan? and I fell head over heals for?

Why...

Was I allowed to marry and bring my struggle to my wife and our marriage?

Why...

Now am I the one who has to pay the price for MY sins???

Why do I have to bear the burden and the anguish of fixing myself, ever stumbling, feeling huge amounts of guilt and shame?

Why...

Can I not stop looking at men, feeling the way I do, knowing what a man feels like and how secure that makes me feel?

Why...

Do I not know how much longer I can hold on, only to land my ass right back on the pavement???

How much longer before I find a regular C##k again? Get wrapped up in another friendship or something else that is not where I need to be with God?


WHY...

With all of the things that I was exposed to I am responsible for MY sins??? I just do not get it!


I know that I should have the answers but I dont.

--------------------
1 Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him;for he careth for you.Be sober,be vigilant;because your adversary the devil,as a roaring lion,walketh about,seeking whom he may devour

Walking in two Worlds

Walking in Purity and Pornography.

Sound like and an oximoron? Well it is. But do we as 'Christians' do it. The unfortunate answer is that yes we often do.

Is this right? No

Walking out our purity is doable and very possible, yet the enemy is ever treadding down our neck to get us to slip and slide back into our old skin.

If you are closer to the purity side, my question for you is that how do you feel when you slip back. Does is bring you back to the old life, or while you are visiting the past, do you feel as if you no longer belong?

My prayer is that you no longer belong. I know when I slip and look to my old life for satisfaction it always comes up short, a major part of my life was owned by porn and the homosexual lifestyle. It now feels wrong, but yet like I know my way, but yet I don't. It does not HOLD the fixation that it once did.

I find that I read the word, and ponder it words and yet, at times go back like an old habit, not because of the allure, but just something to kill time.

In looking at my whole life, what other facts are present that may trigger a desire to stop back by the old romp.

1. I do not study everyday
2. I put God towards the end of my day, and many times when I do this I am too tired to give Him any place at all
3. My wife and I have not had relations in over a month. Different schedules, tired, pains, etc... True evaluation is that neither of us have tried to cultivate it enough to blossom.
4. I do not pray as I should

Points 1,2, and 4 are in reality the reality that makes it easy to slip back. Most of us truly have our own selves to blame when we fall. We don't do the first things first.

We are told and encouraged to (Matt 6:33) Seek First the kingdom of God, yet we do not commit to doing it. I can affirm to you that when I put God first and spend time with Him each and everyday, my days are better. I will not lie to you and say that I am not tempted, but I find that when I aligh my days with Gods design, then I do have the strength to overcome the things that come my way.

The fight for purity is a constant battle for those of us who have emmersed our lives in pleasing our flesh. This is why scripture warns us that when we engage in sexual sin that we are sinning with our bodies. (Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. ~Rom 6:12~ & Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. ~1Co 6:18-20~)

When we sin with our bodies we add other things that are harder to say no to. When we use our bodies to committ fornication or adultary, our flesh most often feels good in the process. So unlike lying, we have a constant attachment to remind us what we know as well as what it 'feels' like. So when we are tempted, our flesh aids us in reminding us of the pleasures that are available when we give in. This makes it harder to say no to lusts of the flesh.

We actually bring the sin to our body, all other sins are outside the body. (Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. ~1Co 6:18~)

If you have slipped, remember that you are not doomed. Of course you should not allow this statement to give you license to go back to the old ways,( My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:~1Jn 2:1~).

I would encourage you to keep striving for the faith, if you fall get back up. The one thing that Satan wants you to do is give up. Yes we should ask and show true repentance ( which means not returning) repentance is more of a showing than a telling. Most of us are good at lip service, work to not let this be the case. Jesus promised to never leave us of forsake us, but lets not push him away either.

Scriptures to Study:

Romans Chapter 6

Proverbs Chapter 4

Pulled in two directions

Is it me or does it seem that we are being fought more and more?

I think I know the answer, but yet, the question still remains is that 'have I done all to stand?

My answer may not shock anyone when I say that, no I have not. Lately I have been pulled in more than one direction, and have allow my footsteps to slide (so to speak). God tells us to be instant in and out of season, and yet are we? are we really? do we take advantage of the time that we have to study and seek Him, or do we rest when we have a moment to catch up?

I will tell you that I have fought the fight of SSA for many years, and I can safely say that when I rest (as I have done lately) then my attacks are harder and more frequent. I seem to look for ways to medicate, but yet I have come so very far away from all of that... Or have I?

Along this road I have found that displacement has been the best explaination to show that God's word is real; when I displace the world by studying, seeking, PRAYING, and meditating on God then the world truely does diminish and like Phillipians says that pressing toward the mark does help to keep our eyes focused on moving forward toward God.

And yet the same is true of the other direction, when I do not focus on God, study, pray and meditate upon Him then, I seem to slip towards another inclination. It usually take a couple weeks for the cloudiness to settle back in, like a thick fog, and then while the Holy Spirit is working to keep me in check, I still drone towards the darkness....

I have heard this life called many things, and we can state that it is, it is a firestorm and it seems that we are caught in the heated blasts most of the time, but I can tell you that our God is real, He loves us and will fight for us, yes we still can choose to go another direction but it is not worth it.

How many hours and times have we wasted on a maybe, or chance encounter that lasts just a few minutes, and leaves us empty and wanting more??? It seems that sometimes we should think that we are crazy and have lost all thoughts or hopes and just keep following over or back to the darkness.

But yet we have a Father who cares deeply for us, and yet pulls and pulls until we snap out of it, or come back to our spiritual senses. The enemy does much damage while we are in the middle of the 2 worlds, but I am thankful that we have a God that will allow us to come back and run to him.

From the book mere Christianity

On page XII, Lewis makes the following quote "ever since I serve as an infantryman in the first world war have had great dislike of people who, themselves in ease and safety, issue exhortations to men in the front line. As a result I have a reluctance to say much about temptations to which I myself I am not exposed. No man I suppose is tempted to every sin. It so happens that the impulse which makes men gamble has been left out of my makeup and no doubt I pay for this by lacking some good impulse of which it is the excess or perversion. I therefore did not feel myself qualified to give advice about permissible an impermissible gambling: if there is any permissible, for I do not claim to know even that.

Why do we look for ways to glorify our past?

So many times, we look backwards instead of forward – in living our life and attempting to walk with Christ.

We should however, continue to press forward in our walks, no matter what. Many times, we shut down and allow the weight of guilt and shame to stop our progress with God. We tend to withdraw and to pull back and wait for the hammer to drop. The hammer does drop, in that our enemy brings us our cross and we place ourselves there longer than needed. He is the master of the one–two punch system. The first punch comes in that he tempts us with something not in line with God, then punch two comes in that he condemns us with guilt and shame and tells us that we are unworthy of our Lord, and we must hide.

Does this sound familiar; this has been going on since Adam and Eve. Look at Genesis chapter 3, in verse eight …and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. Satan had tempted, and they looked with their eyes and saw (is not that many times what gets us as well) the fruit.

We learn from the word that looking back is not the right thing to do, such is the case and point of Lot's wife, she looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt (Gen 19:26). We should remember too that Jesus has no use for us if we, after we come to the understanding of His fullness, look back and take up again our old lives or even pursue the past (Luke 9:62). Now this is not saying after a stumble or fall that Christ is finished with us, that is not the case, but it is perspective that Jesus must be in the first position of our lives, not everything then him.

In our walks, we sometimes reflect back on the life we left to follow Christ, and from experience, we know that the enemy only allows us to see the glimmer spots of that life. We fail to see sometimes the people we hurt, the time we wasted chasing a lie, and the extent to which we would go or do to get just an ounce of pleasure.

The enemy wishes to let us see the 'highlights' of that time, and not the broken roads, broken lives, and our brokenness with Christ.

If you do look back, think of where we could be in Christ, had we devoted the time of pleasure, to time in pursuit of Christ. Christ too was a man, and was in all points tested as we are, so He knows of our struggle, yet did not allow sin to rule or cause him to act upon it.

In closing let me leave you with this thought:

Heb 4:14-16 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. ~15~ For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. ~16~ Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.